“For fuck’s sake, Paul, do you_ ever_ answer your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you hours ago! They were demonstrating an AlphaSize™ hypertrophy booth in the East Side Mall and they were looking for a few scrawny dweebs to participate in a free makeover. The man in charge was thrilled when he heard that I had an identical twin who was just as short and boney as me - he set aside a guaranteed spot for both of us.”
“Thankfully, even though you were a complete no-show, he was happy enough to let me go through the masculinization process before they packed up.”
“So while you’ve been spending the afternoon hanging around dingy gaming and comic book stores, I’ve been buying myself a whole new stylish wardrobe that really shows off my new manly bod while sweet-talking the personal phone numbers out of some very hot-looking cashiers.”
“Jesus man, I’m so going to lose my virginity tonight.”