“Fuckity-fuck, fuck!”  

I popped my head into the bathroom and gaped at the cursing gorilla-sized bodybuilder that had invaded it’s tiny space. He was at the washbasin, shaving his overly-virile body hair with a ruthless but haphazard determination. The heavy musk of man sweat was wafting through the air.

“What the- ?” I exclaimed with surprise (and perhaps with a little awe).

“Oh, it’s you,” said my roommate in his latest voice - very gruff and commanding. He gestured helplessly at the inaccessible crags on his back. “Could you help me out here? I need to get all this gunk shaved off! I completely misread the little runt’s profile -  it turns out that it’s clean-shaven hyper-masculinized men that really turn him on.”

“Couldn’t you just use the computer?” I asked. “It’s going to take forever to get through all this.”

“You know the rules - I can only use the Chronivac once per challenge. Luke’s got it logging every move I make.”

He turned to face the shower, flexing an astonishing fan of meaty sinew at my face. An abundance of thick, dark hair carpeted his macho display.

I gulped, sighed and grabbed the electric razor from James’ rugged, leathery hand. I then proceeded with the laborious task in front of me. Soon I found the rhythm of it, briskly shearing his fur off while the razor’s electric buzz filled the air.

After a while I plucked up the courage to tell him what was on my mind.

“This is getting a bit too much, you know,” I said, bracing myself for an almighty backlash from the hulking monstrosity before me. After all, I had no idea what kind of personality he was sporting now - what if his latest target was a sucker for raging megalomaniacs?

Thankfully James just smirked at me and flexed his arms into massive meat boulders. “You really have no idea what this feels like little man. It’s completely intoxicating!”

“Oh, I can fully understand the power rush you get out of it. It’s just this silly competition you have with Luke. Last month both of you were the kindest, sweetest guys I know. Now you both act like a pair of douchebags - each day you transform yourselves into different superhuman sex gods so you can fuck random guys off the internet while keeping a tally of your successes. Isn’t this all a bit puerile?”

“Look man,” explained James. “Last month Luke and I were both shy, overweight, virgin pussies. All we’re doing is having a bit of fun relieving a lot of our old sexual frustrations. Besides it’s not as if we are being bullying assholes - we have been mostly making love to nerdy little virgins. We feel that they deserve to finally experience hours of earth-shattering sex and they are all too-willing to throw themselves at us.”

“How can they not throw themselves at you? You spend the day before looking up their Deviantart portfolios and reading up their favorite sex stories. Then you transform yourselves into the living embodiment of their sickest sexual fantasies. How can you fail to score? You’re pretty much conning them into giving away their virginities.”

“Look man, it’s not as if we’re raping them,” replied James in a hurt voice. “We’re always clear that they can say no to our advances. So, you don’t think we’re not doing a good deed here, giving frustrated nerds the chance to live out their wildest fantasies?”

“Okay, it does sound pretty hot,” I acknowledged with a sigh. “But it still feels very wrong to me.”

“So my widdle woommate is feeling a teeny bit jealous?” asked James with a little laugh.

“Excuse me?” I asked with a little start.

“Look man, I’ve spent the last few weeks figuring out the sexual fantasies of complete strangers, yet you don’t think I’ve smart enough to notice how you look at me? You don’t think I saw you desperately try to hide a boner when I flexed my back at you earlier? You don’t think I hacked into your laptop weeks ago and whacked off to every single detail of your innermost fantasies?”

He looked at me straight in the eye with a devilish grin. Damn it, he knew!

“I know it’s breaking your heart shaving off my shaggy pelt,” he continued in an authoritative voice. “I know that all you want to do is smother your sweet little nose against my hard, furry pec-shelf, while I roughly grope and explore every inch of your smooth, delicate body with my course and masculine hands.”

I swallowed nervously. My dick was painfully hard.

“You’re right,” said James as he turned around to face me with his new sexy-as-fuck smile, his new roided-as-fuck torso and his new erect-as-fuck ass-demolisher. “This competition is really childish. The only reason that I kept going was because I’ve been secretly enjoying watching you lust at me from afar. You see, I love making you all hot and bothered. It fucking turns me on.”

“But now I honestly can’t keep this up anymore - you’re so adorable when you get all virtuous and shit. Hell, you’re making me spill precum all over the floor. I’m going to concede to Luke right now and then I’ll be spending the rest of the week cuddling, smothering and downright worshipping your hot little body.”

“How’s that for a perverted fantasy come to life?”

Weekly contest time, yet again. See:

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